literature

The Rapture -1996-

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The Rapture

     Justine was a young girl who recently turned seventeen. She wasn't the popular kid at school. Not even healthy. Her frail constitution prevented her from doing sports or any energy-draining activity at school, for which she became the favorite point of mockery.
Nevertheless she belonged to all the literature and art clubs. Her favorite categories were mystery and horror.

After a very busy day at school, when Justine arrived home, she was so exhausted she fell soundly asleep fast.
Her life was about to change starting that night...

... A dark silhouette with gleaming green eyes stared piercingly at her. She could hear the ticking of the clock like a loud echo in her head during the nightmare. And those gleaming eyes, shining more and more with deep intensity as they stared at her, sending shivers up and down her spine, up and down and up again. It felt like someone was tracing her spine with a finger. It felt so real, it made her very tense ...

She woke up all soaked on sweat and with her heart in her throat!

Her alarm clock was marking Twelve o'clock midnight and her bedroom window was wide open. Very odd, since she didn't recall unlocking the window at all. Justine was trembling uncontrollably. Her hands were cold and her eyes wide open. She hardly managed to get to the window, shutting and locking it as soon as she reached for it. Justine sighed, "What a horrible nightmare!" she thought. Naturally she couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, so she decided to grab her favorite book and read until dawn.

~*~*~*~*~*

     Next day at school, she had a meeting at the poetry club. She could hardly keep her eyes open because she was awfully tired. Her classmates automatically knew there was something wrong with her because she's the most active participant in the club. So one of them got the courage to question her, "Justine, are you alright?"
"Yeah", said she. "Is just that I had a terrible night, the oddest nightmare of them all."  Justine started to tell them the details of the green-eyed silhouette and the open window. One of her other classmates couldn't ressist commenting, "It's those books you read, dear. Too much overflooding of horror is starting to get to you." The rest broke into laughter. She got mad and left the classroom.

School was over for the day. Justine arrived home so exhausted she completely ignored dinner and went straight to her bedroom. Her mother noticed her strange behavior, but decided not to disturb her. She thought maybe tomorrow they could talk. Justine made sure to lock the window before heading to slumberland since drowsiness was inevitably taking her...

... Again that green-eyed silhouette. Its concealed features seemed like those of a long-haired male. Only the eyes could be seen with detail. Again the ticking of the clock echoing quite loud in her head. The silhouette remained motionless. But she felt something caressing her jawline, her neck, one of her breasts...

Justine sat on bed abruptly! Her eyes wide open. Her heart in her throat, pounding so hard she could hardly breathe. She was all soaked in sweat and gasping for breath. Again it was twelve o'clock midnight and the window wide open. It was already getting on her nerves, way out of line and quite disturbing. "What the hell..." is all she could finally gasp. There she was, hands cold and  body trembling. Her feet did not respond fast. It was like they had a ball-and-chain attached to them. She finally made it to the window, shutting and locking it. Justine took a deep breath. Quickly she reached into her bedside table and extracted her favorite book, staring at it while debating whether it was a good idea to read or not. She finally decided to toss it away. "Maybe my classmates are right, I shouldn't read so much of that stuff", she thought. Justine made it to the kitchen, had a glass of water, and went back to sleep. She kept waking up every two minutes until dawn.

~*~*~*~*~*

     Her breakfast was a quick one. Her mother knew there was definitely something wrong with her. "Are you ok, sweetie?" she asked inquisitively. "Yeah mom. I'm just a little late for school. See ya!"  Justine grabbed her backpack, kissed her mom and ran to the bus.
Justine was definitely disturbed. She forgot to do her hair, wore one shoe of each different pair, and her pants were backwards. Everybody stared at her like she was an alien or something. But she was too self absorbed to notice. At the poetry club her classmates started to gossip about her in low whispers,

-"She looks terrible"
-"I'm deeply worried. Don't know about you girls, but I'm gonna ask her."

Justine's classmates surrounded her, trying to figure her out in a nosey way. That's when she told them the details of what happenned last night. She looked disturbingly frightenned as she was telling the tale,
-"...and it touched me. Whatever this thing is. The touch felt so real.."

She wasn't finished when one of her classmates interrupted her disrespectfully,
-"Ooh, and now you're having erotic dreams, eh? who's the mysterious lover, dear?"
They laughed mercilessly at her. "None of you can take anything seriously, can you?" Justine yelled at them and left.
School was over for the day, and she made it home quickly. Justine went downstairs to the basement and grabbed a lantern, determined to catch this thing that openned her window every night offguard. She ran upstairs to her bedroom and hid the lantern in her bedside table. When she was heading out of her bedroom, her mother intercepted her right at the door,

-"You're acting so weird lately. Tell me what's going on. I demand to know what it is!"

Justine stared into her mom's eyes, unable to move any further since she was blocking her way.

-"Mom, even if I tell you, I know you won't believe me. But as soon as I can prove what's going on, I'll tell you. I promise."
-"But sweety, look at you!  Your general appearance is fully neglected, and you haven't even noticed your dinner. I'll keep an eye on you, and you better tell me soon or I'll find out on my own. Understand?" Justine stared at her, responseless. With that said, her mother left. Justine kept up with her plan. She took a shower, wore her PJ's and went to bed...

... The mysterious dark figure made his appearance as usual. Staring at her with such intensity his sight burned her flesh from head to toe. The fire in his eyes was so intense he could make her feel entirely fondled without even moving. Although she was uncomfortable, she could not react. This invissible feeling possessed her body. It was so real. And for the first time the silhouette spoke to her,

"Justine, meine lieben, be afraid not. I mean no harm. You're my chosen one. Soon I shall let you see me. But you're not ready to face me yet. Be afraid not, my love."
His voice merged with the ticking sound of the clock in crescendo, from low to real loud, echoing in her head, driving her mad.
His left eye zoomed in, adopting the form of a clock that marked twelve o'clock midnight
...

She woke up yelling, "What do you want of me??? Why me??" her screams woke her mother up, who quickly ran to aid her. Justine remembered the lantern and quickly grabbed it to look outside the wide open window. But she found nothing. Right then her mother arrived, "What are you up to?"  Justine replied, "Mom, he spoke to me! He said I'm his chosen one! He touched me, I swear he did! Please tell me I'm not insane, please!" Justine fell down on her knees, crying. Her mother shut the window closed and locked it. Then embraced her and, kissing her cold and sweatty forehead, she said,

-"Sweetie, it was just a nightmare. Nothing else. Everything's alright. Go back to sleep, I'll stay here with you."
-"But mom, the window. I locked it. I swear I did!! And it was wide open!!!"
-"Perhaps you thought you locked it, could have been the wind. It's been strong tonight. I'll tell you what, I'll bring you a glass of water and you'll go back to bed, ok?"
Justine took a deep breath, "I knew you would not believe me."  Her mother got her a glass of water and put her back to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*

In the morning Justine got ready for school real fast. She made sure to lock the window just to prove herself she was not crazy, when she found a black velvet fragment stuck on it. Justine stared at it and remained thoughtful for a second. She heard her mother scream, -"Justine, you're gonna get late for school. You better hurry!"
She ran downstairs, swallowed her breakfast hurriedly and ran to the bus.
     At the poetry club, she intercepted her classmates to show them the velvet fragment, telling them details of how she acquired it and how the mysterious night creature spoke to her this time, when one of her classmates patted her head while saying,
-"We have concluded you need proffessional help, dear. We're no longer listenning to your twisted stories. Sorry."  All others laughed mercilessly. Justine was really upset this time. She left the club running. Justine sat at a corner in the main hall of the lobby, sobbing and crying while holding the fragment tight. Then she started to daydream...

...This dark figure with brilliant green eyes stopped before her. "Who are you?" Justine asked with tears in her eyes. The stranger revealed his face, it was a horrible monster with sharp teeth who told her, "You know me very well, meine lieben. Think back, waaay back!"...

Justine screamed, when a different male voice brought her back from her daydreaming by asking her "Are you alright?" It was the math teacher. She was totally embarassed.
-"I'm afraid I'm making a fool of myself right now, Mr. Thompson. Hmm... Can I ask you a favor?"
-"Sure, how can I help you?"
-"This is an unusual thing for me to ask and I feel very foolish right now, but I'd like you to take a look at this fabric fragment and tell me what you see."  

The teacher examined it and said, "Nothing other than a fine piece of black velvet. Why?"  Justine shook her head, "Oh nevermind." She grabbed the fragment off her teacher's hands and left home.

Justine was afraid to fall asleep, so she tried everything she could in order to keep awake, except for reading. But drowsiness was way too strong. She ended falling asleep. She was totally worn out...

... Her dark silhouetted lover didn't hessitate this time. His soft-spoken voice echoed in her head;

   "The time has come, my darling lass
    Afraid be not, I mean no harm.
    When your clock ticks the midnight time,
    open your eyes and see me you shall.
    Fullfilled your dream may be at last,
    for you are now my chosen one.

    It is time. Wake up, my lass"


She woke up. The window, open as usual. But this time the silhouette was there. The light of the moon revealed his identity;

Straight dark-brown long-hair, translucent skin with a faint gleaming, those brilliant green eyes that could pierce your very soul, and a soft spoken voice. He wore a black velvet trench coat, and a piece of it was missing. His features were timeless and handsome enough to keep her attenttion. Staring at him, she tossed away her fears. He gazed intensely into her eyes, mesmerizing her. "Come to me", he said, "I offer you the dark gift. No one will mock you anymore. Do you want it?"
Justine had no will of her own. She gazed into his eyes as she walked to him. She stopped right before him. A brief moment of silence took place, their eyes meeting eachother's when she finally said;

"I have nothing to lose, take me with you."

He smiled, caressing her face, her neck... He leaned his body forward against hers, kissing her cheek gently very near to her lips. Then he gazed into her eyes dreamily. She felt the fire that consumed her badly from inside out in that sight of his. That's when they fused in a passionate kiss, it seemed world-ending. He dropped his coat and fondled her with so much passion. He was obssessed. "Oh my lass," he whispered while undoing her gown "I have wanted to do this for a long time."  He traced her spine all the way down and up again very slowly, making her shiver and become more aggressive in her kiss. That's when he grabbed her by the waist and drew her closer to him, pinning her with his weight, her back against the wall. So close they were she could feel all of him, making their kiss become lustfully intense. A battle between reason and instinct, where instinct totally obliterated reason. Gasps, soft moans, heavy breathing... a one-way ticket to lustful madness. Her fingers running through his hair, working the scalp with her fingertips. His fingers clawing her back, kneading her bare skin, and even shattering her innocence without permission. She openned her eyes wide, gasping with pain at his bold fingers, but he managed to distract her with a playful dance of tongues. He grabbed her by the neck and kissed it with lustful hunger, determined to make her surrender that very night.
So involved was her with his passion, she couldn't react in time. He buried his face into her neck, and SANK his fangs in her throat!

***
I made this short story inspired on "The Vampire Chronicles" by Anne Rice. Her writing style is unique and really keeps the interest. I originally made it for a writing contest at school. Then I liked it so much I decided to make a self binded book with it. I made the illustrations and all. You can see the Cover art on my gallery under the same name: "The Rapture".

December 20, 2005 - I revised it, giving more delightful details to it. I want to dedicate this revised version to a significant someone that left a deep impression in me, Mr. MCC (Malo Cuero Corrupto).
© 2005 - 2024 Faerietopia
Comments38
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Wandering-Writer's avatar
I liked it. It's a good begining for a story with alot of potential. I do look forward to your future stories. I did notice, while reading this, a few small things that detracted from the story. They didn't make it unreadable, but it would probably pay to look out for these things. Just remember, if you did somthing I notice intentionally, then it's quite alright to discount me. You, not I or anyone else, are the author here.
I noticed that the wording in some of your scenes were very poetic, which seems out of place in this story. An example would be
So realistic it felt, she got very tense.
The wording is alittle akward for prose, so you may want to pay attention to it. You get the information across, it just seems a little disjointed.
If you see a sentence like this one, you may consider rewording it, or perhaps breaking it into smaller sentences.
When you are writing a diolouge, remember to make a new paragraph when someone speaks. It makes it easier to follow diolouge.
The last thing I notice is that your diolouge, while not breaking grammatical laws, seems to be a mite akward. You can understand what they say, but it seems like it was forced, that the characters would not say that in real life. It's very small, subtle things. My best advice would be to just be mindful of it.
^_^
RIght, I'm done poking at it.
Final Judgement?
The fruit bowl approves, while the East German judges give you an 8